What He Desires
by LiechLiet
Summary: As strict as society's rules are, there has always been one thing that overpowers them for the cynical Lord Lukas Bondevik - desire. But he keeps it to himself, seldom even confiding in his closest friend and object of intense attraction, Mathias. Over the span of many years, how does the relationship between the two move from childish love to an affair unlike any other? / DenNor.
1. I: Confession

_I often look back on how my adolescence phased into young adulthood, with all the trials and tribulations that young men face, as well as many more which fate had evidently decided to spite me with. This story is by far the most memorable, both for myself and the immediate other it concerns._

_Let us go now, reader, back into the past, and follow the younger Lukas Bondevik, as he struggles with both with love, jealousy, loyalty, betrayal, and most importantly, desire._

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**I: Confession**  
_As seen through the eyes of Mathias_

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The height of summer, with warm breeze and cool water, holds the greatest potential for two teenage boys. They can run, dive, swim, hunt or fish or whatever they choose when the afternoons prove too hot for lessons.

This was exactly the type of day that the young Mathias Køhler had come to adore. Fifteen summers had passed since he had come into the world, on a day just like this, sun beaming and trees whistling the songs of midsummer. He was tall, body toned to muscular by sport, thick hair standing wild as the excitement in his eyes as he sprinted for the lake. He threw off his jacket and shirt, peeled off trousers and underwear to throw himself into the water with a loud whoop of joy.

The water was cool and glassy, and he surfaced, floating on his back and gazing up at the sky. There was only one thing that could make this day more perfect, and surely he would come along soon –

and there he was: his best friend, Lukas Bondevik, who slid out of his shirt and trousers in a more civilised manner and slipped into the water. He was neither as tall nor as broad, but he was handsome in a refined way, gentlemanly as opposed to the rougher approach Mathias took.

"Why don't you shout a bit louder," he said dryly, swimming over, "I think there were a few people up at the house that couldn't hear you." Their estates were practically adjoining, so they shared use of the lake as a bathing pool in the hottest months.

Mathias only laughed, splashing him. "You only wish you could shout that loud!"

"What makes you think I can't?" Lukas arched an eyebrow, deep blue eyes glittering in a way that Mathias knew only he and Berwald – Berwald Oxenstierna, another local lord's son and their close friend – were able to see. The three of them had known each other since the cradle and grown up together, and while Mathias and Berwald never exactly saw eye-to-eye, they were closer than either of them wanted to admit.

"I know you can't!" Mathias was adamant, his grin comically huge. "I know everything about you!" And one could see from his face that he sincerely believed that to be true.

"You don't." The words didn't seem so much like a challenge; they were more like a statement, cold fact that almost made Mathias want to shiver.

"What do you mean, I don't? I do, Lukas! Don't I?"

Suddenly his best friend's face was blank, eyes dimming to icy. But there was something more to it, and he watched the Norwegian's shoulders slump, almost imperceptibly, pale frame curling in on itself.

"Lukas!" Mathias swam to him, making to grab his arm, slippery skin against a slick, toned forearm. "Surely you don't think I would let you leave without explaining this!"

Lukas didn't even bother to lie. His eyes slid to meet Mathias', dark on light, and he let out a long sigh.  
"If you disown me after this, I shall stab you as you sleep."

"I could never disown you," the Dane chuckled. "Just tell me and everything will go back to normal! Otherwise I'll bother you until you really do stab me as I sleep."

"Fine." A pause, a breath, filled only with the sound of the water separating them. "I'm homosexual."

The confession hung in the air by what seemed like a thread; one sharp word from Mathias could send it crashing down. No sharp words would leave his mouth, however. His only response was a laugh – shocked, but a laugh nonetheless.

"What _is_ the matter with you?" Lukas demanded, trying to pull his arm free. "Surely you were dropped on your head as a child –"

"Do you really not know how much I value our friendship?" In a bid to keep Lukas in his grip, Mathias ended up holding both of his arms, pulling the Norwegian to face him, his smile never sliding. Unassailable, that smile. "Why would something like this change it? You're like a brother to me!"

Lukas' lip curled as if he wanted to spit. "Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true!"

Suddenly Lukas pushed very close to Mathias, and their bodies were pressed together, noses almost touching. The breath left Mathias' body in one gasp, and his heart rate suddenly quickened. What on Earth was Lukas doing and why was he doing it?

But then the Norwegian had pulled out of his arms, and Mathias realised: by coming close, he had made Mathias slacken his grip, and had been able to slid out of his arms like an oiled fish.

Lukas was swimming away now, and Mathias wondered why his heart was still thumping.

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**A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! Good luck and good wishes to all of you, and I've got a personal prayer going out for this fic to go smoothly... drop a review if you liked it, any thoughts or feelings! I love hearing your feedback.**


	2. II: Revelation

**II: Revelation  
**_As seen through the eyes of Lukas_

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In the darkest hours of the night, Lukas regretted his confession. He slept shallowly at the best of times, and having a conundrum rolling around in one's head is hardly a conducive atmosphere to a peaceful night's sleep.

_Should he have told Mathias?_ No.  
_Should he have kept the secret longer?_ No, that wouldn't have been fair.  
_What in God's name could he do now?_ That was entirely a mystery.

And that was only regarding the very fact of his sexuality. The fact that he had an insatiable, undeniable and entirely unbearable attraction to the ridiculous Dane was something Lukas could scarcely admit to himself.

He had waited years for it to fade. First he had thought it was admiration for his brother-in-arms, then affection, such affection… then it was nothing short of attraction. It made him want to sigh, scream, swoon, tear his heart out of his chest – all at the same time. But he kept it behind his carefully-constructed façade, knowing that it was for the best. He had been trained in the ways of being the son of a lord, after all, and the first rule was to always put etiquette before whatever personal feelings you may have.

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The year wore on. The bright summer faded into a lukewarm autumn, dingy and grey, with gusts of cold wind and showers of freezing rain at night. But Mathias only grew warmer. He was a sunflower in a field of withering wheat, and Lukas was a bee that couldn't help but be drawn towards him.

"Why do you not talk to me anymore?" Mathias was lamenting, as they walked through the expansive grounds of the Bondevik estate. It was hardly strange, in the winter months, for the two of them to don thick, fur-lined coats and boots, and stroll. The strange part was that Lukas was silent as the grave.

"Even less than usual! Am I boring to you now? Just because you will soon be sixteen and probably be engaged to marry, and you'll treat me like a child, I still think you should grace me with your speech!"

"Where are you pulling this nonsense from?" Lukas finally demanded in a flash of irritation. It was decidedly more characteristic of him, and Mathias laughed.

"Nowhere! I just want you to talk to me!"

"You imbecile -" Lukas whacked him on the arm with the back of his gloved hand. "I pity the woman who will be tied to you in the future." But something in his tone suggested otherwise, and he couldn't tell whether Mathias heard it or not.

"I'll be wiser if you tell me what's going on in your head," the Dane retorted with a huge smile. "There, is that enough incentive for you?"

"Curiosity killed the cat, Mathias."

"If I were a cat, I'm sure you would like me more!"

Suddenly Lukas' fingers, freezing even through his gloves, gripped Mathias' wrist, and his other hand pressed over Mathias' lips. His eyes were like ice in spring.

"Shut up," he hissed. "Just stop talking."

The sudden closeness seemed to render Mathias speechless, as those baby blue eyes widened, and his mouth closed against Lukas' glove. Lukas could almost feel the brush of his lips, and if he submerged himself in fantasy, he could convince himself that it was a kiss, if only for a split-second.

"I would _not_ prefer you as a cat."

Mathias looked set to laugh, then suddenly his face grew still, and serious. Lukas let his hand fall to his side, and his eyes drifted to the lips he had been covering, quite of their own will.

_Do not do this._

He couldn't help himself; he was leaning in and unless he was sorely mistaken, Mathias was as well.

_Do not do this!_

Their breath mingled, noses almost touching.

_You will regret this, Lukas._

But then their lips met, and the Norwegian could forget the voice in his head that promised him he was doing the wrong thing, and focus on nothing but Mathias' warm, chapped lips, hesitantly pressed against his own.

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**A/N: Okay, this feels a little rushed, but I keep having to remind myself that this is not only a companion fic, but that the beginning of their relationship isn't the crux of the story! It has to go along with the story... drop a review if you liked this chapter!**


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